It’s Been Awhile | Marriage, Transition, and the Thoughts He’s Changing

Hey there. It’s been awhile since I’ve shared my thoughts with you here. My last post was written and released on January 20th, 2021, Inauguration Day for the current President Joe Biden, and the one year anniversary of the first diagnosed COVID case in the United States. To say that a lot has happened in nearly a year and a half is an understatement, as much for you as it has been for me.

The biggest transition in my life last year, outside of Christ saving me, has been from singleness to marriage with the love of my life Vanessa! Transition is one of those realities of life that you can’t fully prepare for, as much as you want to, there are still bumps and areas of growth that you will experience and will show up before your eyes. The stressors of marriage planning, career aspirations, life with COVID-19, my hopes, fears, and expectations for what marriage is and would be like, and more really impacted my journey as an individual throughout last year. On top of that, two weeks before our wedding, Vanessa’s mother and my mother-in-law passed away.

There was such a weight of grief, loss, and yet again, another transition in the midst of preparing for our journey towards marriage. As much as we experienced this pain together, my heart hurt knowing that what I felt didn’t compare to what Vanessa was going through, and we still had to process through it together and individually. Much more could be said here, but gratefully, we were able to speak to what took place and how God brought us through on our YouTube channel ‘Covered By Grace.‘ I’m still in awe with how the Lord provided for all of our needs financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and through loving relationships with godly couples, plus more! Everything was fully taken care of, and it only could’ve happened by the grace of God!

As I think through all that has happened in my life when I wasn’t writing as much as I wanted to and was used to, I really had moments where I was discouraged that I couldn’t find the words to write. I had intentions and plans, along with times and seasons where I lacked the discipline to push through and write. I knew all of the advice about journaling and just “writing for you,” and yet I just…couldn’t…write. I had to learn to be ok with that, and it wasn’t because I got the revelation of why it happened. Sometimes you don’t have the words to explain what’s happening, and I had to take that in stride. Even with the writer’s drought that I felt, I truly enjoyed the moments where I was able to create with others, like an amazing podcast called Ink & Soul, a product of Fallow Ink Writers (formerly known as Indelible Ink Writers)!

No matter how I felt about my lack of content on this platform, God’s chief goal for my life is for me to be fully satisfied in Him and to glorify Him, and I experienced/am experiencing what He’s eliminating from my character and habits that hinders this.

Before 2021, I realized I was a very stubborn individual who also deals with pride, but even now, I realize how much more I dealt with these issues than I could see through my own perception. The anger, the lack of love when in conflict, the negative thought patterns that not only impacted me and my actions, but also affected my wife. All of the ways that I spoke about God’s work in our thought life, and what His will is in relation to our minds and mental health, I still missed it in my day to day thoughts and actions on many occasions.

As I write this, I’m not sharing this as someone who has finished struggling through these realities in my life, I’ve fallen more times than I can count, and I still need God’s grace that I declare I’m covered in. There’s much more to share about my experiences and journey as of late, and Lord willing, I look forward to coming here again to share my thoughts and the redemption that God continues to reveal in our midst. See you later.

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3 replies »

  1. Praise the Lord Lamar!! May God bless you and your wife I’m so happy for you God is so faithful he has saw your faithfulness to him and has given you the best! May the Lord continue to bless you in all his ways!

    Liked by 1 person

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