Virginity And The True Meaning Of Purity

virginity_purityPart 1: A Virgin’s Perspective On God And Sexuality

In the first part of this purity piece, I highlighted the saturation of sexual content, combined with the church’s lack of a full and godly view on sex. To finish this off, I want to celebrate with my fellow virgins, and shed light on a big misconception about purity and how it relates to virginity.

I celebrate and cherish the ability and opportunity to wait until marriage for sex. I don’t celebrate it in a way that looks down on others who didn’t wait, but it’s a precious commitment that shows the way God designed for us to live. The unique position we are in should be celebrated! To be a virgin as a husband to your wife or as a wife to your husband is truly beautiful and precious. As rare as it is to hear in our day, please remember that you are not alone in this commitment. Isolation is the thief of conviction or commitment, because when it feels like you’re all alone in this, it can feel like a burden to abstain from sex. An example of isolation stealing your conviction is how Elijah responded to God, when he felt he was the only prophet after Jezebel executed many prophets in the land. God had to show him that there were seven thousand in Israel who stood committed to Him like Elijah was. 1-kings-19-18One way that I’ve been really encouraged in my own walk is the amount of virgins I know now, or those who married as virgins. Both men and women. We make our own decisions, but we are all impacted by the examples people set before us, whether they are good or bad. My commitment to virginity is strengthened by other believers I know that made this commitment with me!

This commitment is centered around sexual purity. However, purity doesn’t start from abstinence. It can be easy to focus on a virgin because they’ve never had sex, and look at them as pure, but a virgin can be sexually immoral without sex. Sin and impurity find their roots in the heart of mankind, and not just in the actions they do or don’t do.

You can abstain from sex, yet talk about sex in an impure way. For the men, the way you think about women and talk about them amongst men has an affect on you, and vice versa. You can also have an unhealthy view of sex that will hinder you once you are married and finally have sex. The way you deal with your sexuality can be impure as well. For example, when you do have urges how do you deal with them? There are some in the church who wrongly encourages masturbation, so that one can “relieve the stress” of sexual tension. These are the things that really affect you as a virgin that can be overlooked.

In the book of Job, there’s a verse that speaks about having covenant eyes when it comes to how you look at a woman. The process of submitting your thought life to Christ the same way you submit your sex life to Him is immensely important. Therefore, being pure is not defined as being a virgin, but it is defined as being an imitator of God as His child. God is holy, and His character is the definition of purity. Your pursuit of purity doesn’t start with abstinence, it starts with your mindset and your heart. Someone that’s not a virgin can have a better lifestyle of purity than someone that is.job31_1The scales that God uses concerning our purity is not like ours, and it requires us to walk humbly, as we recognize that our purity is established because of the holiness and perfection of God. Not because we’ve been strong enough to abstain from sexual activity.

Have you made a covenant with your eyes when you look at the opposite sex? Do you recognize your sexual urges as a part of your being a sexually created being? Are you confident that there’s nothing wrong with making the commitment to experience those urges only with your future spouse? Do you live with the mentality that God is aware of this, and that you’re not told to go through this alone, but He’s with you? Is your mentality about purity too narrow? These are questions I feel you must deal with as a virgin, if you’re going to live out the commitment you’ve made.

My fellow virgins, God is committed to your commitment, and is using you to be a difference in the lives of many people. Be free in Christ, and have an informed view of your sexuality. Like I said in part one, virginity is not a burden to carry and suffer through. You’re free from the standards and expectations of humanity, and fully loved and affirmed in Christ.

6 replies »

  1. I’m reading what u wrote & I’ll share that I used to believe all of this….until I got married.

    Have u read about virgins who find themselves crying in shame once they get back from their honeymoon because now they’ve lost their identity of bring a virgin that everyone praised them for? Now their innocence is gone & everyone knows they’ve had SEX. Now they r no longer special but like everyone else. There’s plenty of those stories online.

    When I met my husband I believed he was a good man because he didn’t pressure me to have sex. I thought this meant he was morally superior to regular guys.

    To my surprise, after marriage I learned about people with a low libido or a sexual folks. Turns out there are plenty of these stories online as well. People who saved themselves til marriage – turns out they were able to because they had a lower sex drive. Many of these people aren’t able to shake the negative views of sex after marriage leading to a deadbedroom.

    I didn’t find any if this out until I had said til death do us part & I felt robbed. That I was lied to. That if u wait, u & your spouse will magically have great sex & all will b fine. Well, for some lucky people that happens. For many many others – there are numerous issues that can arise. I just encourage virgins to read other people’s stories so they aren’t blindsided.

    One such gut wrenching place full of people’s misery in the bedroom is
    Lastly, I’ll mention that I’m a woman. I wish I knew that it’s ok for a woman to have a sex drive. That you’re not a slut because you have urges. I wish I knew that not all men r horndogs. Then, maybe my self esteem wouldn’t have been shot with a husband who doesn’t desire sex.

    I wish I knew that up to 70% of women cannot orgasm through PIV (penis in vagina sex) because their clitoris doesn’T get any stimulation. These women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm (hand, mouth, vibrator, etc) and that’s ok because most women r built that way. When I first had sex I thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t feel pleasure with just a penis inside.

    Lastly, many men only need 5 mins to get horny & ready for sex. Whereas, most women need 20 mins or more to relax, get fully aroused & wet enough.

    Lack of knowledge means that many husbands take it personally when the woman isn’t wet immediately the same way he’s hard immediately. And, wives may find they r fully aroused after the sex is over. Over time they will grow tired of just doing things that satisfy the husband & neither will understand why she stops wanting sex after a few years of marriage. And then another deadbedroom is created & people suffer in silence because it’s so taboo to talk about anything. Also, if they speak up the secret wI’ll b out that waiting til marriage doesn’t magically bless you with a happily ever after. There is so much to learn & u have to b with an empathetic person who cares enough to compromise to meet each others needs.

    To the writer of this blog – I fully believe your heart is in the right place. I just hope that once you are married that u will be just as open about any issues u encounter so as to help other women & men. I wish you love, peace & fulfillment.


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