In the first part of this purity piece, I highlighted the saturation of sexual content, combined with the church’s lack of a full and godly view on sex. To finish this off, I want to celebrate with my fellow virgins, and shed light on a big misconception about purity and how it relates to virginity.
I celebrate and cherish the ability and opportunity to wait until marriage for sex. I don’t celebrate it in a way that looks down on others who didn’t wait, but it’s a precious commitment that shows the way God designed for us to live. The unique position we are in should be celebrated! To be a virgin as a husband to your wife or as a wife to your husband is truly beautiful and precious. As rare as it is to hear in our day, please remember that you are not alone in this commitment. Isolation is the thief of conviction or commitment, because when it feels like you’re all alone in this, it can feel like a burden to abstain from sex. An example of isolation stealing your conviction is how Elijah responded to God, when he felt he was the only prophet after Jezebel executed many prophets in the land. God had to show him that there were seven thousand in Israel who stood committed to Him like Elijah was. One way that I’ve been really encouraged in my own walk is the amount of virgins I know now, or those who married as virgins. Both men and women. We make our own decisions, but we are all impacted by the examples people set before us, whether they are good or bad. My commitment to virginity is strengthened by other believers I know that made this commitment with me!
This commitment is centered around sexual purity. However, purity doesn’t start from abstinence. It can be easy to focus on a virgin because they’ve never had sex, and look at them as pure, but a virgin can be sexually immoral without sex. Sin and impurity find their roots in the heart of mankind, and not just in the actions they do or don’t do.
You can abstain from sex, yet talk about sex in an impure way. For the men, the way you think about women and talk about them amongst men has an affect on you, and vice versa. You can also have an unhealthy view of sex that will hinder you once you are married and finally have sex. The way you deal with your sexuality can be impure as well. For example, when you do have urges how do you deal with them? There are some in the church who wrongly encourages masturbation, so that one can “relieve the stress” of sexual tension. These are the things that really affect you as a virgin that can be overlooked.
In the book of Job, there’s a verse that speaks about having covenant eyes when it comes to how you look at a woman. The process of submitting your thought life to Christ the same way you submit your sex life to Him is immensely important. Therefore, being pure is not defined as being a virgin, but it is defined as being an imitator of God as His child. God is holy, and His character is the definition of purity. Your pursuit of purity doesn’t start with abstinence, it starts with your mindset and your heart. Someone that’s not a virgin can have a better lifestyle of purity than someone that is.The scales that God uses concerning our purity is not like ours, and it requires us to walk humbly, as we recognize that our purity is established because of the holiness and perfection of God. Not because we’ve been strong enough to abstain from sexual activity.
Have you made a covenant with your eyes when you look at the opposite sex? Do you recognize your sexual urges as a part of your being a sexually created being? Are you confident that there’s nothing wrong with making the commitment to experience those urges only with your future spouse? Do you live with the mentality that God is aware of this, and that you’re not told to go through this alone, but He’s with you? Is your mentality about purity too narrow? These are questions I feel you must deal with as a virgin, if you’re going to live out the commitment you’ve made.
My fellow virgins, God is committed to your commitment, and is using you to be a difference in the lives of many people. Be free in Christ, and have an informed view of your sexuality. Like I said in part one, virginity is not a burden to carry and suffer through. You’re free from the standards and expectations of humanity, and fully loved and affirmed in Christ.